I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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