new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
