Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
