happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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