Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
