I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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