its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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