but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
