im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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