I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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