two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
