im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
