My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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