I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
