I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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