Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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