Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
