smell my finger.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
pray to the hookup gods
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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