I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
