Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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