I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the day after is always just damage control
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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