I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
