i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.