note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...