Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with