when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...