let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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