Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize