"it" just moved
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
