I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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