Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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