sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
