He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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