i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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