um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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