People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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