Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
