Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Someone shit on the floor
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
