How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
