At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
