my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
