what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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