is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
