You really coming over, don't trick.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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