i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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