it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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