My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
