I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
