And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
