Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
