Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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