I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
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Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
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Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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