Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
