Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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