how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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