party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize