Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
