I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
