I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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