the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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