will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
