dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
