Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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