Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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