hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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