respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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