I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
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just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
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Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.