Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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