Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.