remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.